You know you have the Lord’s love, but how do you find romantic love in a world that only seems to be interested in sex? There seem to be two types of Christian men freely available, the ones that play the field and ask for forgiveness later, and those that are so pious that they won’t do anything that might be considered fun. So, what is an attractive, energetic, fun loving Christian girl supposed to do?
No, you don’t need to change religions, start bar hopping, or even beg your mother to help you find someone. You live in the modern world, so embrace what technology has offered. Yes indeed, hop online and join the world of online dating. Now, before you start to shudder, it’s not all Tinder hookups, there are genuine people looking for actual relationships, and even more importantly, there are specific Christian dating sites that will help you find just the person that God had in mind when he made you.
What Are Your Dating Rules?
Online dating is interesting in that you will often develop a connection to someone before you have actually met them, which means you run the risk of having an emotional attachment but when you meet them there is no ‘spark’. Although many successful marriages have been made throughout human history with no love let alone any physical attraction, modern women know that we can have it all, so why shouldn’t we!
So, before you get too involved, set a timeframe, at least in your own mind, about when you should be meeting someone in the flesh, when you should have your first voice contact and maybe when you should have your first video contact. The reason for the timeframe is twofold, firstly, you do want to actually hear what the other person sounds like, but for safety you do want to have a little knowledge about what sort of person you are connecting with (click here for views on Marriage and Sexuality in Terms of Christian Theological Education). Although dating sites are proactive at blocking people who have untoward behavior, this doesn’t mean that you should be completely open about personal details that could aid a person intent on doing harm in finding you. Just as you wouldn’t give a complete stranger who you met on a train and that you thought was a bit creepy your home address and let them know when you’ll be at home alone, don’t do online either.
Have a vague action plan but keep it flexible. What sort of information do you want to know before you’ll agree to using the dating sites voice contact options? Write down the top ten questions that a potential spouse should be able to answer. Although it is possible that the very first person you meet online will be the perfect mate, it is more likely that you will need to fine tune these questions.
Once you’ve spoken to the person, and you’ve clicked, at what point do you want to meet them in person? Choose a public place but one where you can talk and get to know each other. It’s a great opportunity to test out not only how well you both get along, but whether you are into similar things. If you love ice skating, see if they’ll join you in on ice skating date – if they have never tried or say that can’t, are they willing to come along to try something you love? This is also their opportunity to see if you are the type of person who will mock them for failing or love them for the effort. (see this on marriage and family life in modern Western culture).
When Should Religion Come Up?
In those top ten questions you should have something asking about the things that are most important to you – and this should probably include your faith. Just being on a Christian dating site isn’t really enough to ensure that you are talking to someone who is spiritually compatible. If you have been raised a certain denomination you will have the baggage that comes with that, good and bad. This is where you will need to do a bit of soul searching, and it may even be an opportunity to use the other person as a sounding board to work out what you do and don’t believe. Do you both share similar views on contraception, homosexuality, education and circumcision?
Although it is often hard to imagine how your views will change once you have children, it is often a good idea to at least try to picture how your future will look with this potential partner. If they happen to be hardline on a wife stays home and looks after the children, no matter what her career or education, and this is something that you crave, then that is fantastic. However, if this is their hardline and you passionately want to further your career and are looking for someone who wants to be a caregiver or to share responsibility, then you need to be sure of yourself. Often the ideas like this are presented as coming from a place of faith, however arguments can be made for and against almost anything.
Would You Convert?
This is a hard question if you love your church and it gives you a sense of belonging, but would you consider changing churches for the right person? Most devoutly Christian people can not conceive of changing religions for a partner, but changing which Church your worship at, or the manner in which you worship might be more flexible. In fact, visiting their Church and having them visit yours could be an excellent third date – you get to see a deeply personal part of each other’s lives, and you get to see how their friends and family react to your presence. If you do not feel welcomed, then you are unlikely to be happy worshiping with your partner in the future, so will they come to your Church? This is likely to cause a lot of friction, so it is just one of the things that you can weed out while you are chatting online.